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Friday, February 26, 2010

For the first time………….

BEWARE:  This post is going to be super cranky and depressing… so, please read with own risk…

I doubted my decision on bringing Princess to this world..

I doubted my decision to breastfeed her exclusively…

I doubted my ability to bring her up on my own..

I doubted and doubted..

I had a happy gathering dinner with my friends and buddies today, however it ended not as pleasant as I wished being the main cause by my little Princess.

And the story goes…

We were about to end our dinner, and it’s past Princess sleeping routine, and therefore she got cranky and very demanding.  To add on it, the weather and humidity were also causing her feeling uncomfortable.

Princess was waving goodbye to everyone when I packed my stuff, and we left the dinner place earlier.  I was just in the car trying to sooth her, and let her latched on so she could sleep.  Unfortunately, while she slept, I tried to unlatch her but she refuse, she kept wanting to stuck her face near me..

So, I put her back into her car seat, and gave her the pacifier, but this little girl is getting smarter everyday, and she spit her pacifier out, and screaming on top of her lungs.  I drover around the restaurant area, trying to let her sleep but still fail.

I didn’t want to leave the restaurant yet, as I have not paid my fair share to the dinner bill, and was trying to see if anyone from the gang came out so I could pay him /  her. 

So, while waiting in the car, I let her latch on again, and she fell asleep!!  I just keep on waiting, and someone came knocking on my windows telling me that everyone left already.. but I did not managed to ask this friend of mine on the bills… :(

Anyway, since everyone left, I unlatch Princess again, and wanted to put her back to her seat, so I could drive home.. This is when the worst happen..

She screamed from the top of her lungs and clinging on and I could not even put her safety belt, and she won’t stop crying even I carry her.  But I can’t keep letting her latching on as I think the best is still got home, and give her the max so she could sleep through the night.

So, I let her cry… and keep crying.. and what I did?  I drove home with one hand, and the other one trying to grab her to avoid her falling.  She was screaming at the side of my ear, on my shoulder, climbing up and down… ALL BECAUSE SHE WANTED HER MILK AND SLEEP!

Finally, I gave up.. I stop at the side, sit her on my lap, and release my safety belt, and let her latch on while I drive home fast the F1 style.  It’s just good that I am almost near to my house, and I am confidently knowing I could to it without hassle since it’s not many turnings that I need to do in order for me to get home.

And true enough, she fell asleep latching on to me till I got home, and even now, when I am doing this post, she was sweetly in her la la land!!! 

But this little experience do left me wonders… and doubted for the first time if my decisions made are right…

I actually risked both myself and Princess life by driving with 1 hand, no safety belt and child seat.. of course, not forgetting to mentioned the F1 speed! 

But if you asked, why didn’t I just stop and let her latched.. COZ IF I do that, I don’t know what time I will be able to get home, and whether Princess will still continue to make noise if she woke up.

I really don’t know and I am bit lost.. Although this is not the first time Princess had outings way after her sleep time, but mostly she will be nice and sweet in her seat trying to sleep on the journey, or I will have someone with me, so to take over the wheels and I just nurse her till I am home..

But tonight.. It’s whole lot of a difference.. and I foresee this kind of situation will happen again and again.. so, I am alone, do I risk our lives like that, or should I just sleep on the street together with her?

After blurting out.. at least I felt better.. the very very least..

12 comments:

  1. Ah Jie,

    Don't worry...is normal...=) don't doubt about your decision...

    I'd seen this situation before = My Sis...

    And my mum also did the same thing..driving her to the nanny place with her on the lap n one hand..because she wouldn't want to sit on the "special" chair = ="....

    Not only once...but quite a few times...

    Hahaha...Take care..n good night..=D

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  2. Since she is still young... remember her bedtime. try to avoid outings that go beyond her bedtime. let's say once a week, OT is fine. but doing it regularly wont be good for her cos she is trying to set her bedtime routine.

    if i m in the sitution like u, i will let philip cry. n i will on the radio equally loud too. philip got used toit. now he seldom cry. in fact i miss the sound of his cries.

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  3. First of all dear sister, the child will sure get crancky and annoyed when it is the sleeping time and not be able to sleep in on the fav bed lah.\,,, next time arrange nicely lo........

    second of all, doubt no more, our child is worth every scarifice that we make,simply because it is about a real love.

    Third of all, enjoy every second with our children,bad,good,pleasant or annoying, for the time will come when we are going to miss all that have passed.

    Fourth of all, just believe that you are one heck of a super mommy,,, bravo sister.

    Last of all, i am always here to support you in spirit and in my prayers,, say amen to that, wlll ya?

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  4. Thanks everyone for the kind support.. and for Eugene, Amen and thanks for the prayers.. :D

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  5. oit! we didn't leave you la. we tot you left!!!

    sorry to hear dat princess is so cranky after dat. hmmm, next time we get a air-cond restaurant, ok?

    dun worry yourself silly. a rant is a rant. after its all out, give yourself a pat on the back n move on. Princess just getting older n smarter at demanding dats all.

    take care!

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  6. Cynthia,
    I experience this before too.. With 2 kids with me in the car somemore.. I almost break down n cry in the car.. Coz Manfred also cry for no reason when he sees "Jude crying. So then on wards, I refrain travelling in the evening by myself...
    If i was in that situation, I also dunno what to do.. I guess just go with the flow.. But i totally understand how u feel at that very moment.. U R a great mum Cynthia, no doubt at all!!

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  7. My dear, things like this happen all the time. Don't feel bad.

    When Maine was younger, I experienced what you experienced. Not just at night, but during the day too... which made going out totally stress out for me. But it's just a phase and they'll get thru it very soon hopefully.

    Never doubt. Everytime you doubt, think of the happy moments she has brought you.

    Yes, there are a lot of cons to when it comes to bf-ing. We are no longer 'single'. Sometimes I too wonder why I breastfed her in the first place. But it's all for the good of our girls and all the sacrifices that we made is just a way of us telling them we love 'em. You are doing a superbly great job as a mom and I am sure Princess agrees more than anyone in the world!

    P/S : If I were in your situation, I think I'll really 'fen gai'... If not, confirm my mom will chop my head if she knew I drove with 1 hand while holding Maine with the other.

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  8. make yourselves think positively. very important.

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  9. There'll be times like this that make you doubt things.. but it's normal... as long as the rest of the time you don't doubt yourself.

    Just part of ups and downs of life.

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  10. Take it easy as every mother will experience this moment before. Caring and bringing up a kid is definitely not easy, not to mention u are doing it alone. I really respect ur determination and it is good that u voiced it out, at least help to release ur tensions.

    U are really a great mother. Next time if u ever really need to do this again, don't drive in F1 speed, drive slow....u will still arrive but at least u can control the situation if anything happen..(touch wood)...anyway, hope this won't happen again as she is growing bigger...

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  11. Such things happen to the best mother in the world.. so, dont worry about it. Take it as a normal hulabaloo that happens.

    Your daughter is growing up and she sometimes will test her grounds with you. You just gotta be patient with her but very firm. Dont give in to her with tantrums and all.. if not, you will have a hell time as she grows.

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  12. You are doing great Cynthia, dont doubt yourself okay.

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