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Friday, July 22, 2011

Today…

WARNING:  This is my blog, I got the right to rant.. if you don’t like it, don’t bother reading.. and if you want to read, read and keep it to yourself.. I don’t need any mediator for this case.. AWARE, RANTING POST AHEAD!!

Despite I have lots of backdated posts to do, I think all of these fun posts can wait… Today, I have really seen what kind of people I am living in with. 

Being a single mother has never been easy, especially in my family.  I can say till today, no one can really accept the fact on this matter, and each person is trying their very best to ‘stab’ me at the back given any chance.  Well, we are ‘maintaining’ the peace for the show.  I am waiting for my day to arrive and I can leave the peace out of it.

So, what make me write such a post? 

Today, I actually had an order to fulfill, and prior to this, I have been preparing all the necessary after work.  At the very early morning, I faced with yet again a crying baby who does not want anybody except myself.  (at any point I am at home, I can be really cling to death)  She will start to have her cry and scream, asking for her fix and also to be carried, when I am so so ‘kanchiong’ to complete the cake on time.  I really at my wits end in dealing with her, and to the max that I myself started to throw my temper too!  I usually will let her cry till she had enough but too bad today it went on and on and on with NO STOP!

Well, despite the 2 brothers at home, she will not want to be ‘entertain’ by them.. so, back to the root, I still have to entertained this girl of mine while I continue to do whatever I can.

Of course, in some kind of work, we tend to have some ‘demand’ from us to the helper, and today, she is so much taking her own sweet time to handwash clothes when I am busy!!  In addition, I have told her that she don’t need to cook for afternoon, with the consideration that she will need to help me with some washing.  Up to 3pm, I have not eaten, and I just told her to 'steam’ some pau for me.  Oh yet, I caught her saying that I am inconsiderate that she is a human, and she has not eaten!!!  My goodness, then what about me?  I gave her a good piece of my mind (despite I am so much younger) and told her to consider if she want to continue working! This kind of big order, only comes in once a month, and yet she got so much to complain when she had a weekend off (soon will not be coz she agreed to care for my brother’s daughter for weekend with additional salary of course!!) and a so much higher salary comparing to her peers! KNS!! 

So, with all the rushing to complete all the necessary, I know my youngest brother has got school, and I was actually trying to finish the order before he leaves, and I can use his car… Very unfortunate, this time, it can’t be done on time!  I saw my brother drove out and I text my customer to have the delivery later, since I know my brother only had a short class today.

Later, after waiting for his return and don’t seems to see him returning, I asked my eldest brother since he is at home caring for the daughter.  When I asked and the conversation goes like this…
Me:  Hey bro, you going out? can I use your car since the youngest one is not back yet?
Bro:  I am going out…
Me:  OK, what time you going out?
Bro:  What time you want to use and what time you come back?
Me:  Leave now la, come back shd be around 5 la…
AND THAT’S THE END OF THE CONVERSATION.. NOT A YES OR NO! So, of course I take it as no la..

I called my youngest brother again.. and he told me is coming back aka on the way.. and I continue to wait.. after a good half an hour, still no sign of returning, I take it that the OTW is not going to happen..

My office colleague also called, asking if I will be going to office as I promise that I will bring a cake there, and they have lunch keep for me.  I told my colleague I will be late, as I am calling cab since I got no transport… Guess what I got after someone heard my conversation… “I got say you cannot use my car meh? Why talk so much? I am going out only about 6!”  Frankly speaking, I am shock hearing this.. and being someone so stubborn, I won’t ‘kao tao’ to it.. I mean, if you really mean good, why didn’t you just say yes in the first place.. why keep quiet?

I called cab… I have no other alternative besides the cab as my girl will surely want to tag along seeing me going out.  With the order along, it’s impossible for me to walk down to the main road to hitch a cab.

Called, and the cab company also got no luck.. I practically calling every minute to check if there is any luck.. and finally the luck came.. and I still got to wait for a good 10 minutes.  While getting all ready, the ‘smelt’ my girl not very nice, and I know she has poop-ed!  When I am all ready to get out, I am not in the position to clean for her, so I asked the helper.  And again, my girl start her cry and scream.. and my eldest brother came out of the room screaming ‘very noisy la.. the small one make noise, now the small one”  one whole day only you so noisy… and after taking my girl to the toilet, since we are connecting doors, he opened the door and scream ‘QUIET’ loud and clear to my girl!  Fine.. nothing to fight and argue about.. YES, indeed my girl has made a full day of cry and scream noise which is damn irritating!

I told the cab driver to be fast.. the weather too hot, and I have actually taken the cake out from my chiller about an hour ago.. My concern is the melting chocolate.. I am very worry.. I hope to generate as much ‘cents’ I have into my pocket and I don’t wish to disappoint anyone.

Rush the cab driver.. took the ‘paid’ road.. and finally able to reach my customer about an hour late! Gosh.. everyone is waiting for it, sweat and hunger…

I also got some ‘pau’ ordered from friends, so I must drop by my office to collect it from the seller.. My intention was to walk to office, but having the girl with me, I just have to try hitching for another cab.. ok, this time a good 15 minutes wait, and I got an uncle stopped for me.

When I arrive at my office, my boss has gone.. So, no hope to ‘tumpang’ balik.. I will have to carry the 3 big packs of pau with the girl.  I have to hitch the cab back again.. and it’s almost 5.30pm.. I was again.. worry… keep waving to see if one will stop…

Glad that I got home 5.45pm.. all in all for an hour or so.. and guess I saw 2 cars parked at home.. nvm, I tell myself, I survived… this maybe my 2nd alternatives since now I have tried it… I know it can happen.. maybe the next order, I just have to call the cab earlier so they have time to make the necessary arrangement.
I waited for that somebody to leave the house… only at 6++ and it’s mere a 20 minutes out!!!  Can you now imagine how I feel?  YES, I feel it… I know it.. I got the answer to it!  I regret that I have even earlier try to put good words for him to get an Australian job.. and now, I hope that that won’t happen.. SERIOUSLY!  I am sorry to be bad, but I learned it the hard way.. and this is NOT the FIRST time it happen!  Each and every time I needed a transport, and I asked, the same will happen.. so, please don’t comment that I am sensitive and judgmental.  When once is coincidence, but twice? thrice?  it’s intention!

Since I got home, I have not got the chance to go on my FB page… only mere 30 minutes before I write this post (and this is also another reason why I wrote), I saw my youngest brother commenting on one of my FB post, stating that I am not right to rant in my FB, and I should have asked them earlier and proper.. oh ok fine for my youngest brother, maybe he is too innocent to be blame.. and he is not in the position to know the full story since he is out!  He didn’t even know why I put that kind of status in my FB! and YES, he is more ‘pro’ his brother than me.. coz me now NOBODY mah… who am I?  A sister who is a disgrace being a single mother and no longer contributing much to the family… well, I can understand..

While writing this post, the girl of mine (if you noticed, I no longer use the word princess in this post as I am still very angry over her behavior today) still trying her luck on getting her fix, and I told her to wait, she start her scream and cry again.. this time, she got a few good ‘pat’ from me and she now slept!  I wonder why she inherited the damn father stubborn behavior (the cantonese saying:  Kong Mm Teng aka tell can’t understand) (it’s definitely not me coz even I am stubborn I know how to see ‘situation’.. I won’t throw tantrums when I know I won’t be able to get it.. no point.. waste energy!)  haiz..

Ok, I am done ranting.. it’s always a consolation right.. my customer SMS told me that everyone loves the cake!! which I know it’s not going to be ‘beautiful’ for sure.. haiz.. I really thank her for all the support this far and so much of encouragement!

Thursday, July 14, 2011

Wow.. New look again!

It's obviously shows how long I have not been blogging! Damn.... I have so many outstanding posts, such as my Cherating holiday trip, the Disney Junior gathering, the Fontena Gathering and so forth.. I have been actively joining some gatherings, and it's just got so lack in updating it in the blog... Oh, not forgetting the updates of my princess... haiz..

Anyway, that aside... I log in to blogger today to try doing some updates and I found blogger with a new look!! so exciting!  See, that's again delay my post coz I am so excited with the new look, I want to post it ASAP! LOL!

The new look is very good I find.. it's easier to locate everything I want.. and you be able to see all the traffic flow information.. iLike!  In addition, the post writing page is also very good.. I don't need to scroll down too much to have all the necessary labels, and schedule..

Can this motivate me to write more often? LOL...

Next up, my Char Siew Pau!

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Days with trains and full time work

soon, and very soon I will be going to work by trains... a lift from home from 'anyone' that is available to the nearest train station, and from there, LRT and transit of Monorail...

I first started having days of trains while I was residing in Singapore, and in actual fact, I enjoy the MRT train rides.  The trains arrived on time, not much of pushing, not much of squeezing, and some times you got to see some 'drama' and 'shows' on board.  My train rides journey those days will take me approximately 20 to 30 mins max.

now back life in Malaysia after living in Singapore (enjoying life) for almost 7 years... For the first 9 months of my 'life' in Malaysia, I tell ya, it's a horror experience.  I am so so used to taking public transport conveniently at my door step, I am back to my country that needs a 'car'!! and I don't have ONE!! Can you imagine?  I still need to get to work, so with no choice left, I took public transport.. I have to take a cab from my house (costing RM6 per trip) to the nearest LRT station, and take the LRT with the transit of Monorail.  These routes were the ones that almost kill me especially the Monorail.  It was really a disaster!

I doubted the ability of my countrymen understanding the 'procedures' of taking trains... no queues, lots of pushing, not moving in and give way... and so forth.. I nearly gave up on living here and was hoping to return to Singapore...

Anyway, days by days passed.. and I gotten used to the situation.. and later I got a car which minimise my disastrous journey to work.  Later, I got myself a little Princess, and being a Single mother.. I took the sacrifice and stop working for 2 years...

Since 2 months ago, I was back at work but still I am having the luxury of entering office only at 10am, therefore the journey to work is still bearable.  But Once last week, and once today, I finally need to take the train again as I was required to enter office earlier...and the scene of trains taking 2 years back appear in my brain again...

It's still a bad experience.. but then again, I learn to 'accept' it that a fact.. I started to understand that it's not the my countrymen do not know the 'procedure', it's more like the providers have not been able to meet the demand.. Can you imagine a huge crowd trying to squeeze into a 2 or 4 carts monorail? and at the same time everyone want to arrive at work on time?

When I was working in Singapore, I have to reach my office at 9am, and I will only leave my house around 8am... here in Malaysia, I have to leave LATEST by 7.30 and yet still risk to be late... see the difference?  I was once proud of my country able to reach this level worldwide, providing us public transports such as trains and monorails, however providing and executing it are so much a difference... haiz...

My Boss has just asked if I am keen to return to work Full Time, but my very concern is on this issue...
I leave for work at 7.30am, and at that time, Princess is still sleeping.... so now, she got to wake up without mummy but only having kakak...She will have all her time with her kakak from the time she gets up till...
I am back at home... now, converting Full Time means I can only leave office at 6pm, which will make it impossible for me to hitch a cab home and I will have to take the train again... that's will take another an hour and half to reach home, and that will be 7.30pm

For at least 12 hours, I won't be with Princes... and when I got home, after dinner, bath.. I left with a mere 3 hours before we hit the sack?  Thinking all this make me think really really hard on getting back to work Full Time... My Princess has only got ME for her... how would she react in such a young age?

Are you going to ask me how much time I have for her at the moment?

I leave for work at 9.30am, therefore when Princess awake at 8am, she still has got her time for some 'manja' moment with me, and I can bath her before leaving for work.  I can make sure that she is all clean before handing her to the kakak.  I left work at 5pm, and I still be able to get a cab home and arrive home not later than 6pm... So, 4 hours of time spend with Princess...


I have Fridays reserve for Princess now... but If I return Full Time, Friday gone and so on Saturday (half day work)... how how? 

Anyone saying quality time better than quantity time?  but if I don't have the time, how am I going to have quality?  If you are still asking me why so much concern, since most mothers are not doing this... but then again, most mothers have the other half.. not many are like me... and I do wish I could be with Princess more when she is at home all alone till she goes to her day care or nursery next year... how how?  Should I only start to work Full Time next year? 

Cynful Pleasure Bakery

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